Frothing Rant |
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Tuesday, November 19, 2002
had a long talk with little brother last night. he said he felt better because i understood. tried to call mojo. rang, then i think someone answered. static, then back to dialtone. best guess? bad ground or puppy teeth. speaking of teeth... check out the flesh eating squirrel! Monday, November 18, 2002
last night was a flashback from hell, literally. my brother was saying the same things that i said only a few short years ago. the racing thoughts, the stomach being in knots, not wanting to wake up...ever. the fact that he couldn't go on the way he was. it just ripped my heart out. i remember being there, thinking it would never end. thinking i couldn't possibly go on if life was going to be like this. just begging for a break from the stress and anxiety. then there was the trip to immediate care with my blood pressure in the stroke range. crying in spite of myself. asking the dr. to do something, anything, not even knowing what that something would be. they prescribed xanax at that point. i remember still gagging and choking all the way home. then in my room, taking the little pill that had to make it all stop. it just had to. 5 minutes later, the scary thoughts slowed, then nothing. but what of the other shoe? i don't know if meds will be his saviour, but the kid needs a break. |
