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This bloke walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. What are you so happy about?" asks the barman. "Well, I'll tell you," replied the bloke, "You know I live by the railway? Well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in them movies. I of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time!". He continued "We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, doggy style, spoons, me on top, sometimes her on top. I was totally shagged out this morning!". "Blimey", said the barman, "you lucky sod, did you get a blow job?" "No," he said "I never found her head.".
posted by Non at 6/01/2002 01:19:00 PM

 
well, psalmbitch! what a weekend. saturday night my brother and i decided to go downtown and make fun of tourists and race fans. one of the panhandlers made the fatal error. he touched me. a finger poking in my shoulder will get you pushed into traffic every time. sunday i had lunch with mom+mother's day+her birthday. later that night i visited spraypainted vegetables in the hospital. let's see: morphine pump, cable tv, laptop computer, 3 meals a day... nope, i wouldn't leave either. yesterday maureen and i walked the monon, about 6 miles +/- i think. wanted to go to mesa luna for lunch. closed. thought garlic pesto cheese bread sounded good. tried bazbeauz. closed. how about greek? maybe the parthenon for baba ganooj? closed. ok, shalimar for indian? closed! AAARRGGHH! ended up at crapplebee's. oh well. lazed around here for a while. did laundry. thought the day was over at about 11pm. but no. some moron swung too wide coming around the corner and hit my parked car. didn't seem to do any damage, but they wasted no time getting the hell outta here. neighbor saw the whole thing but only got a partial plate #. IPD came out and made a report and junk in case i wanted to turn it in to insurance. they left most if not all of one of their turn signals at the scene. maybe i'll keep it as a souvenir. not sure if it was a catalyst to the dreams this morning, but they were all about terrorism. the dreams i mean. cruise ships being attacked. well not really attacked. somehow the terrorists were able to take control of the ships via remote control. then there was the out of control freight train carrying toxic fuel or chemicals. it was speeding down a snow covered mountain and eventually crashed. julie from the love boat was there and was wearing a gas mask that only covered her mouth and nose. it struck me as odd, because it would have still burned her eyes. silly tv people.
posted by Non at 5/28/2002 06:53:00 AM