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Friday, March 22, 2002
there's this really ugly place i drive by every day on the way to work. the plants are all potted and dead. the residents may be too. there's this REALLY hideous macrame owl hanging in front of the garage door. it's been rained on, snowed on, sleeted on, maybe urinated on. no one knows for sure. it's fry-day and paxil is again kicking meinen arse. it's 9:10 and our trainer is missing. my head is all a tingle with caffeine and weekend anticipation. goddess i'm just giddy. frightening my classmates with themes from kid's shows. got my woops and quark tapes yesterday. whee! Thursday, March 21, 2002
this time line is making me a speaker of lies. i'm such a deceitful cow! time is going quite quickly. learning even more of the nuances of order entry. how to have the caller buy now/pay later. how to delete items from the order when they go over what they wanted to spend. kind of like having to give up something at the grocery check out. oops! not enough money, mommy gets her tabloids and wine coolers or junior gets twinkies in his lunch. choices.... paxil has had me wired all morning. stepped down a notch after lunch. soy dogs and beans + a coupla salty french fries. didn't want to see my coworker waste them. not after those potatoes gave their lives. our supervisor gave us these cute little easter chicks. mine had no beak so i concluded that it was a product of factory farming. you know, when they sear off their beaks so they don't peck each other to death? i think i'd lash out too if i was forced to live in something the size of a milk crate and have my light artificially controlled. oh wait, i do have my light artificially controlled but that's my doing. our bunny seems perplexed by the grow light in the living room. his eyes are on the side of his head so he can turn his back but never really get away from it. i can hear his little raisin brain spark and smolder as he tries to figure out why the sun NEVER GOES DOWN. time for the after lunch cappuccino.... today i was sitting in the bay window tho there wasn't one near by. earlier with the aid of a coat hanger and blow torch i relieved some tension in my scalp. i fear this will be harder to hide later in life when there's no hair to cover the evidence. have you ever noticed that old people always hug as if to say "we're still alive"! martha! i haven't been in the hospital for weeks! henry made it to the bathroom and back all by himself last night. isn't that great?! the doctor says he may very well make a poo next month. today is going to be long. this i can feel in my calcium deprived bones. yesterday some classmates were questioning the gender of our trainer. this is a disturbing trend. this weekend i'm going to gather branches from cemetery trees and prop them in my bedroom window. this way there can always be a wind blowing through them. Wednesday, March 20, 2002
last night i made the mistake of going to the golden trough on kid's night. i wish i could wear balloon animals on my head without getting beat up. more training on the ordering system today. our trainer today has never trained. does that make sense, in any sense? oh well, she likes long breaks. be sure to visit the kastle, new twisted picks will be posted tonight. *spolier* watch for the one about satan's cotton finger. there's a guy in my class that is keeping high maintenance bread in a jar. seriously. you have to tend to this stuff like a pet, including feeding it. you feed it potato flakes every so many hours and have to dump part of it at some point. then you can divide it into 2 jars, and so on, and so on, and so on. more trouble than sea monkeys or magic rocks. hope it's tastier. yes d' methinks the reverend merely saw a reflection of his own conscience. my supervisor saw the pat comments. apparently this is a running joke with her. she regaled me with a pat impression just before i gave her an obey dolly sticker. the episodes of whoops and quark should arrive in all their glory this week. can't wait to see the berry head one again! Tuesday, March 19, 2002
i love this kind of crap: Recent developments: 2000-APR: Reverend Jim Peasboro of Savannah GA has written a book "The Devil in the Machine: Is your computer possessed by a demon?" Some of the points raised in the book are: "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls." Demons can possess anything with a brain, including a chicken, a human being, or a computer. "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit." "...most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs...I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them." an estimated "...one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit." "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently." Rev. Peasboro said: "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers. Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations. Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally...One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'" He had the opportunity to inspect an infected computer. He found that an artificial-intelligence program started up automatically. He said that: "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me. It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.' " Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook...I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text. It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" can't seem to get going today. tried diet coke, coffee, etc. have eaten plenty o'carbs. i just wanna go home... i tried to sleep last night. tossed and turned till about 5:30, then just layed there listening to NPR news. better than dianne reem. i think she may be older than god. they probably have to dig up and prop her up for each day's show. or like lester summerall, she's already dead - she's just in syndication. in any case, lunch is about over and it's back to training. goober matt wants to meet after work to get $$ for nothing. maybe i'll nap on the interstate. *YAWN* i should probably pay bills today - tho they would be paid off in the event of my demise. where's that blank death certificate i've been saving? hey red, just remember to hide the bodies better this time. yesterday i was telling my supervisor about my "ether" caller from my last job and she started quoting hunter thompson. dammit she's cool. i don't know about mom's "this is the job God meant for you to get" theory, but so far it does seem ideal to my situation. today we do more training on the ordering system. so far it's going well, just a lot of information and abbreviations to remember. doing the searches is the easiest. course that's kinda my thing anyway. titles, isbn's, searching with only a few things to go on. that's what i've been doing for the last coupla years on my own. who knew it should go on the resume? see mom? diving in dumpsters was all part of God's plan! Monday, March 18, 2002
just don't start talking to the soggy cheese. we've all made that mistake, right? another school dream this morning. extremely strict teacher wanting me to write a report over the weekend and then take a 6 hr test. sigh. there was a really long build to before that but it escapes me just now. happy monday! this is when all the construction traffic is supposed to be upon us. can't wait. had dinner with my brother last night. this time i was the late one. called and left a message letting him know, then was further impeded. some animule had decided our garbage was the bestest and decorated the whole driveway with it. after cleaning that up i hopped in the car and as i rounded the corner my low coolant light came on. had to stop and give it a drink. psycho waitress was there again. this time i did leave a tip and i thought she was going to faint dead away. the food was a little better this time, and the dressings on the pseudo salad bar were't AS scary. time to throw clothes in the dryer and scarf a big bowl o' bran. wheeeeee! |